I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
