I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
