I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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