omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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