The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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