So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
