She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
