She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
