My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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