these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
