i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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