She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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