so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize