sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
