Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
