You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
