This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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