One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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