yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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