Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
whose parrot is this?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I have post one night stand depression
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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