I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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