I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
