My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
