If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
