Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
