why didn't you poke me back
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
