Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It's shark week go big or go home
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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