Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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