waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just gargled with NyQuil
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
