cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
