How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
