Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
