i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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