So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I forget how to act sober
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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