i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
