Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize