Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Randomize
