I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
