She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
