I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
