She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
