So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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