Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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