Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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