i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
