he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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