is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
