i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
