PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
