His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
