im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
