I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
sex in a hospital.. check
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
