all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
