First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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