When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
