smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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