so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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