Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
