I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
