she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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