I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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