I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
