Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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