who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
