How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
