Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
