i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
His hands were made for my vagina.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Green mimosas i think yes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
