What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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