Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
