Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have aggressive nipples.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
