How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize