Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
