This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
