she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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