update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
