im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
